So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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