The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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