The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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