dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
