You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i was born a porn star she said
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
