I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
