I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
