I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize