I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
