Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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