I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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