i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
