Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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