bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
