I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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