Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
