I wish I could teleport
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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