I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
