I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize