I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
