I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
