Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
