planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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