Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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