you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
