Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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