she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
