if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
