oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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