I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
