one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
