I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
