I hate all girls vehemently.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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