I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
