I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize