so explain again why im purple
no
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
