He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
