i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
