At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
