He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
