Only a mothe r could love this liver
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
