My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize