C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
