she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
