can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
