Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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