proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
