C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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