I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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