some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
