When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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