giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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