That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
