She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
