Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
