I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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