Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
