i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
