I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your penis caused this!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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