He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
