I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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