yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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