On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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