Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize