Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
