My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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