im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
