I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
