woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
