Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
