Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
