Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
