I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
