sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize