my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
