That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
