Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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