apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
