You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
