just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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