Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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