Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dick very happy bro
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize