i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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