I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
