One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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