I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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