my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
