I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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