So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
